so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
