What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
