I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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