he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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