Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Houston, we have a squirter
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
