So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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