She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
