Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize