Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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