My nipple is on Facebook.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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