I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
