Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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