I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
