Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Sober January is a disaster.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
