Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
