I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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