You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
