My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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