I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
