his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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