Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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