i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
