Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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