We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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