I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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