if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
