Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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