I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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