My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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