Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
