Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
