eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
