hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Randomize
