Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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