If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
