Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
even my farts smell like vagina
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
