Are we in a gay sports bar?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
