you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
