well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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