Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
