Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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