mondays should just be called national damage control day
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
