I met the friendliest cop last night
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
