the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
