i wish my penis had a tongue
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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