He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
