we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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