i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize