My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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