My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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