he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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