I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
