I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
