bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
