I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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