I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
