@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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