We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
