bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
