so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
