Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's like God shit irony all over that family
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
