The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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