Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
