is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
