i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
