the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
