so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
