I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
