you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
