I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
