Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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