M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
