The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i've created a new STD.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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