If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
