there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize