I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
