whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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