she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
