Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize