he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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